I try not to hate...

But I thought I'd share some pet peeves with you anyway.

One: If YoU aRe OvEr ThE aGe oF 14 yOu ShOuLd NEVER tYpE lIkE tHiS!

This is something a thirteen year old girl does when she first discovers the shift key. It's an exciting day for her. If you are a grown woman and you type like this, I feel sorry for you. You probably brag about wearing your teenage daughters clothes. You still obsess over your popularity in high school. Your fake tan and mani-pedi take precedence over the well-being of your children who are, in your shallow eyes, only extensions of your popularity. Grow the hell up!

Two: Consider the sketch below...


I'm turning left. Moron there is turning right. Moron has the right of way, so I time my left turn according to when Moron will have turned right, allowing me to swing in behind him. It's a very efficient plan until Moron sees me beginning to turn left and freaks out and stops. I'm like "MORON! Go! You have the right of way!" Meanwhile, traffic is closing in and I'm out in the middle of the street, which forces me into going ahead of Moron, making me look like a traffic jerk.

If you have the right of way in this situation, GO!

That is all for now.

Thank you. :)

-Barry

Life Lessons #112 - Eating With a Cold

When you have a really awful cold, don't go buy an Asian chicken dish at Applebee's. You're likely to look like you're tweaking and homeless (red eyes, sporatic shaking, shabby clothing) and you'll probably end up infecting somebody. Oh, and you won't taste the dish at all.

Your coke will taste like carbonated water. Your food completely devoid of flavor. You might stick your face in the bowl in a desperate attempt to smell the goodness through the fog of your cold, and you'll get that momentary glimmer of what this meal would taste like were you healthy. For the most part, though, texture is the only thing you'll enjoy.

You'll notice that the almonds crunch nicely in contrast to the firm, juicy chicken. You'll appreciate the crispness of the broccoli and carrots and the sticky texture the rice brings, but after all is said and done, you're a blind man watching a sunrise. The warmth of the sun is there, but the brilliant color goes unnoticed.

-Barry