Abrams and Super 8

With a poster so epic, it was easy to get excited for this movie.


"Super 8" is, at it's core, a story of how two characters deal with the terrible tragedies life brings to all of us. One character accepts such tragedy with humility and resolve - moving on with life and living the adventure to it's fullest. The other falls prey to fear and anger - wreaking destruction and mayhem as it tries to make sense of what has happened.

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I liked this movie, but didn't love it. The character development is superb and the effects are incredible. In true Abrams fashion, though, ("Cloverfield", "Star Trek", "Lost") what begins as a great idea and an incredible story eventually fizzles into a sub-par finish. I'd compare his directorial projects to a firework show that starts with the grand finale and then trickles down from there. If he ever figures out how to end his movies, tv shows, etc, he'll be the greatest filmmaker of our time. Until then, he'll be stuck in the same class as Michael Bay. Mind you, in that class Abrams is Valedictorian while Bay is the class clown, but they're still in the same class.

I hope someday he graduates. :)

-Barry

An Education

Some undisclosed time ago, I was discussing movies with a girl. I can't remember where or when I was talking to this girl, nor can I remember who she was, where she was from, or what she looked like. Such details, though, are unimportant. I only remember talking to her about movies, and that in the course of our conversation she asked me what movies I liked. I listed a few of my favorites - all incredible films that have inspired and impressed me in life. Her response: "Oh, wow... you like really emotionally heavy movies."

I laughed.

Tonight I watched "The Education of Charlie Banks" - a movie that the girl would have described as "emotionally heavy." It made me think deeply, which I love. The main theme I took from the film was that you can't be too quick to judge people. Yes, I know this is something we're all taught from childhood, but the movie doesn't just throw this idea at you like a paper airplane. Instead, a master craftsman carefully pieces together a magnificent, miniature model that encapsulates the idea in a way you never grasped before.

I highly recommend it. And I'd continue with other thoughts I had, but it's late. I need to work in the morning.

One more closing thought: I judged the girl that night for having shallow taste in movies but, in retrospect, I should reconsider that notion.

-Barry

Gentlemen Broncos

Remember when you saw the previews for this movie and you thought to yourself, "Yeah, that could actually be pretty funny in that non-conventional, Napoleon Dynamite sort of way." Sure, the premise looked bizarre, but with Jemaine Clement from "Flight of the Conchords" the movie had to be decent, right?

No. Not at all. This movie sucks. It's bad enough to make me fear for the career of Jemaine Clement... and Sam Rockwell... and everyone else involved in this movie. Some might call it a train wreck, but a train wreck has so much more to offer. Until now, I'd never watched a movie that made me feel despair. TRUE DESPAIR! The only thing that keeps you watching is the hope that somehow the movie will redeem itself with a moment that gives it all purpose. A moment that makes sense. A moment that pulls your head from under the water, dries you off, and tells you that the torture is over.

But that moment never comes. And so you're left empty, confused, disgusted, and mildly disturbed. The directors, Jared and Jerusha Hess, (what the hell kind of name is Jerusha, anyway?) failed big-time here. When they made Napoleon Dynamite, they hit a base hit. People clapped and smiled and whispered about the potential these two had. They were up and coming stars. With Nacho Libre, they hit a home run. People applauded their efforts as their street-cred grew substantially. They had made a legitimately good movie and, for the most part, were respected. With Gentlemen Broncos, though, they struck out. Their effort was so poor, they've been pushed back into the minor leagues. No more respect. No more fame. No more fortune. I can't see how anyone who has seen this movie will ever want to star in a film made by these people.

What's really sad, though, is that had they tweaked parts of the movie here and there, toned down some scenes, removed others, hired a better screenwriter, etc, the movie could have been decent, if not good. Even with all its strangeness, the potential was there.

-Barry

A Stinky, Empty Box

This is not a picture of this scene, but actually the scene as it runs in real time. You can see them move really slowly if you look carefully for a few hours. The movie is just THAT slow.

Let's say Saturday night rolls around and you want to see a movie. More specifically, you want to see a really slow movie because... I dunno... maybe you have a lot of time on your hands. In addition to this, you want the movie to be filled with really bad atmospheric music - the kind of tinny, headache-inducing crap that tries to convey suspense, but can't because the plot is smoking a joint and can't really see the point of "going anywhere" or "doing anything." Let's assume that on top of this all you don't want to mess with technical things like character development and a well-written script. And as far as actors go, you prefer a pretty face to any semblance of talent. Cameron Diaz and/or James Marsden might fill this role perfectly.

If this sounds like something you're in the mood for, go see "The Box."

Otherwise, avoid it like the swine flu.

-Barry

Zombieland

Zombieland is a movie that has no real plot, merits no academy awards, lacks in meaningful themes, but still makes you laugh your butt off. It's not a movie you'd take your kids to, unless you take your kids to movies with a lot of graphic, zombie blood and adult language. If that's you, I'd like to slap you. That's right. Next time, take your kids to something nice like... No. Definitely not the Hanna Montana Movie. I'll slap you for that as well. You take them to that nice little movie with the meatballs that fall from the sky. Yeah. That's good for kids.

The movie follows an awkward, college-age kid (Jesse Eisenberg) who finds himself alone as the only non-Zombie in his small, mid-American town. He soon meets up with a few others who have yet to be plagued with the Zombie disease and they make their way across the country with the ultimate goal of finding "Pacific Playland" - a theme park in Los Angeles that is rumored to be zombie-free.

The movie is fun, light-hearted, and full of quotes that you'll remember for their hilarity. Woody Harrelson's character is especially funny as the tough, but tender-hearted Tallahassee - a man who knows how to kick ass, but also enjoys the little things in life, especially Twinkies. It also features a cameo by Bill Murray, who plays his usual, funny self.

Remember, though. I warned you about the gore and the language. If you can't take either, I suggest you steer clear of this one and go watch the movie with the meatballs in the sky.

-Barry

This one's for you, Tallahassee...

A Movie You Can Skip: "The Watchmen"

Last weekend I my best friend, Justin, his brother-in-law, Lane, and I caught a late showing of The Watchmen. We'd all been greatly anticipating the movie, which is based on a graphic novel (glorified comic book) that is hailed as the greatest of all time. Apparently it's full of hidden messages and meaningful political discussion that isn't easily seen beneath the syrupy layers of gore, sex, and darkness.

The movie is supposedly spot on with it's papery counterpart. I'm not entirely sure, but I'm going to lean towards agreeing with that statement. The movie was confusing, bizarrely gory, overtly sexual, and downright strange, but underneath that one could sense that greater themes were at play. The problem, for me anyway, was that all of the rich, subcutaneous stuff was too blurred by the blatant disregard for decency so prevalent throughout the film. And, COME ON! Do we really need to see Dr. Manhattan's oversized neon blue wang hanging out throughout the ENTIRE film? No. Or at least, I don't. Yeah, I get that he's above us mortal humans. I get that he is male. I don't need a full-frontal nude body shot of the guy to remind me every three minutes.

The one saving grace in the movie is the main character, "Rorschak" - a masked vigilante who refuses to retire like most of the other superheroes. He continues to fight all that is evil, and persists to the end to be true and honest to the people he has worked so long to keep safe.

In closing, save your money and skip The Watchmen. It'll only leave you with a bad taste and a thought bubble over your head reading "What the heck just happened?" For those of you who are entirely intent on seeing this movie, wait till it comes out on DVD and redbox it for a buck. Maybe by then they'll have digitally remastered Dr. Manhattan, complete with something to cover his blue-man junk.

-Barry